After seven years and two residences I have found myself newly single after ending my engagement. In the beginning it was full of passion, fun and laughs. In the end it was perfunctory and devoid of emotion.
No one tells you that when you begin building a life with someone you can't allow the construction of that life become more important than living that life. That happened to me, to us. We became so consumed with what we thought each other wanted we forgot to ask each other what we needed.
When we fought we knew we still cared, still had a chance. When you fight you still have a fighting chance. It's when the arguments cease and the apathy begins that you realize it's over. I knew it was over long before we acknowledged it to each other, let alone ourselves, but I always thought I had more time to work through our issues. There was always a reason not to discuss the elephant in the room, to avoid talking. There was a work project to complete, there was a family gathering to plan, there was a board meeting to attend. There was always something else besides us. Talking and communicating became an afterthought.
After living like that in small doses for two years it should not have come as a surprise when we woke up one day to the discovery we had become roommates, but it did. We tried to recapture what once made us work and fall in love again but too much time had passed and too many promises had been broken. We had given up on our relationship, our future and each other.
So here I am today, single and navigating the dating scene again after seven years. Starting over is a scary prospect but it also brings about a certain level of excitement at the limitless possibilities of reinventing yourself and experiencing life through wiser eyes. I could have chosen to lament the ending of a truly special time of my life but instead I'm choosing to embrace the change as an opportunity to learn from my mistakes and be a better person to myself and the people with whom I choose to surround myself.
So as I introduce myself to you I'm also reintroducing myself to this forgotten life. I've unpacked my dating baggage, dusted off my charming techniques and I'm ready to see what else this world has to offer. Welcome to the Life and Times of e.hamme...
